They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
