i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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