"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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