We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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