I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.