Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"