I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
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A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.