Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Your dad touched me again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night