i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...