Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?