I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
MIDGETS
????
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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