I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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