At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
a search helicopter?!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
