The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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