Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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