he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it glows. i had to have it.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.