The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.