Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts