I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
