I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
