My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
