i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.