I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.