I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?