He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.