My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend