one two three fourrrrnication!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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