i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
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the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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