Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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