Your dad touched me again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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