Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
