I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
