Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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