Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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