the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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