I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.