he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things