so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....