i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer