This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize