we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!