dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
