So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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