So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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