We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
