theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We left the knife in your bed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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