sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize