watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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