no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
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I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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