Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
