you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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