Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
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Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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