i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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