Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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