you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
