I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this just has baby written all over it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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