i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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