I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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