2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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