Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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