I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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