Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
