I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
