Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
