Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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