Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.