This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him