I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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